This here, this life. This day, and all days. You. Your dreams. Your struggles. Your hope. Your faith. Your doubt. Your pain. Your happiness. Your fears. This here, it matters. You matter. You matter to this world and to the people that love you. You matter to the people who love you for you. That love you with your flaws and all. You matter to this world because believe it or not, you are making a difference. You are making change. Even when you don’t believe it. I know the deep cuts and infected wounds. I was once there too. I know the feeling of rejection, the feeling of being alone. The feeling of being worthless. It’s sometimes hard to breath. I had my fare moments of “No one understands, or will ever care about me” I have had my fare moments of dark gloomy clouds over head. Those thousand sleepless nights. For that desperate plea. Having the emotional pain, and hurting your body physically. I get it and understand because I was there, I too suffered. My anxiety and depression has taken over me, it’s taken over me for a long time, I let it become in control. I let it feed me lies. I let it define me for a long time. The day I was my weakest I learned I was my bravest. For I have learned slowly after 24 years of living that I matter, I matter to many, I matter to this world. I am loved, I am brave!
Suicide…. A word that:
Not a lot of people want to talk about it.
Not a lot of people want to go there.
Not a lot of people want to try to understand.
Not a lot of people want to get their hands messy.
Not a lot of people want to dig deep and face the pain.
Not a lot of people are going to want to listen.
Not a lot of people are going to be accepting. That’s okay, because the ones that love you, are going to support you. Support you and want to hold your hand, embrace you with love, during this hard time you are going through. People may never fully understand, people may not get it 100% of the time. Yet know you are not alone.
“Your story can be the key to help unlock someones prison, share your testimony.”
Those who don’t get it, and don’t want to try to get it, or accept: they are the ones who are doing more harm to those that are hurting.
We all have pain.
We sometimes feel like our bodies don’t feel like home.
We sometimes want the darkness to win.
We are human.
Those who do understand we just sometimes don’t want to talk about it.
Most of us don’t want to face it.
Don’t want to accept that our mental illness is consuming our life. Consuming our minds, body and soul.
We all hide our truths, because it’s been embedded in our minds that we need to be ashamed. That our stories don’t matter. That we just want “attention”.
Thing is, we are forming a community. We are changing the world! We are teaching one another that pain is okay. That pain is a part of life. That we sometimes have to heal through our tears. Screaming out loud on top of a mountain is sometimes needed. Standing in the rain and having your hands in the air and crying is okay. I myself have done that. I myself have learned that sometimes we need to do these things to vent. Even if they seem “dramatic” to others.
I’ve learned that we need to dig deep into our stories, even when it hurts. The pain is raw. Yet happiness is also rawer. It’s beautiful.
I want to face the pain in all its glory. I want to be human and learn to love all humans in all shapes, sizes, pain, and beauty. I want to do the right thing in my life, even if I’m too damn scared to even do it. I’m still going to, if I’m shaking and all. I want to be my own hero. I want to be the heroine in my story and live my life at it’s fully glory. At its full potential. I want to face my pain even on my dark gloomy days. I want to be the human that lives a raw, beautiful messy life. I want to stand tall and be strong. The days I’m my weakest, I will be my bravest. I choose to live life, one day at a time.
I love you. I love you for who you are. You matter. You matter to me. You matter to the people who love you.
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