Category Archives: suicide prevention week

YOU MATTER; Suicide Prevention Week.

IMG_3985  This here, this life. This day, and all days. You. Your dreams. Your struggles. Your hope. Your faith. Your doubt. Your pain. Your happiness. Your fears. This here, it matters. You matter. You matter to this world and to the people that love you. You matter to the people who love you for you. That love you with your flaws and all. You matter to this world because believe it or not, you are making a difference. You are making change. Even when you don’t believe it. I know the deep cuts and infected wounds. I was once there too. I know the feeling of rejection, the feeling of being alone. The feeling of being worthless. It’s sometimes hard to breath. I had my fare moments of “No one understands, or will ever care about me” I have had my fare moments of dark gloomy clouds over head. Those thousand sleepless nights. For that desperate plea. Having the emotional pain, and hurting your body physically. I get it and understand because I was there, I too suffered.  My anxiety and depression has taken over me, it’s taken over me for a long time, I let it become in control. I let it feed me lies. I let it define me for a long time. The day I was my weakest I learned I was my bravest. For I have learned slowly after 24 years of living that I matter, I matter to many, I matter to this world. I am loved, I am brave!

Suicide…. A word that:

Not a lot of people want to talk about it.

Not a lot of people want to go there.

Not a lot of people want to try to understand.

Not a lot of people want to get their hands messy.

Not a lot of people want to dig deep and face the pain.

Not a lot of people are going to want to listen.

Not a lot of people are going to be accepting. That’s okay, because the ones that love you, are going to support you. Support you and want to hold your hand, embrace you with love, during this hard time you are going through. People may never fully understand, people may not get it 100% of the time. Yet know you are not alone.

IMG_4022                  “Your story can be the key to help unlock someones prison, share your testimony.”IMG_4045

 Those who don’t get it, and don’t want to try to get it, or accept: they are the ones who are doing more harm to those that are hurting.

We all have pain.

We sometimes feel like our bodies don’t feel like home.

We sometimes want the darkness to win.

We are human.

Those who do understand we just sometimes don’t want to talk about it.

Most of us don’t want to face it.

Don’t want to accept that our mental illness is consuming our life. Consuming our minds, body and soul.

We all hide our truths, because it’s been embedded in our minds that we need to be ashamed. That our stories don’t matter. That we just want “attention”.

Thing is, we are forming a community. We are changing the world! We are teaching one another that pain is okay. That pain is a part of life. That we sometimes have to heal through our tears. Screaming out loud on top of a mountain is sometimes needed. Standing in the rain and having your hands in the air and crying is okay. I myself have done that. I myself have learned that sometimes we need to do these things to vent. Even if they seem “dramatic” to others.

I’ve learned that we need to dig deep into our stories, even when it hurts. The pain is raw. Yet happiness is also rawer. It’s beautiful.IMG_4034

I want to face the pain in all its glory. I want to be human and learn to love all humans in all shapes, sizes, pain, and beauty. I want to do the right thing in my life, even if I’m too damn scared to even do it. I’m still going to, if I’m shaking and all. I want to be my own hero. I want to be the heroine in my story and live my life at it’s fully glory. At its full potential.  I want to face my pain even on my dark gloomy days. I want to be the human that lives a raw, beautiful messy life. I want to stand tall and be strong. The days I’m my weakest, I will be my bravest. I choose to live life, one day at a time.

I love you. I love you for who you are. You matter. You matter to me. You matter to the people who love you.





About a month ago my aunt had asked me if I would make a few tops for my cousins. I simply said “YES”! I was happy and filled with so much joy that she had an interest in what I was doing. That she BELIEVED in me. I asked her what she wanted. She simply said, Believe.IMG_4129

It got me thinking long and hard about this word. It didn’t click much with me at all. It didn’t mesh very well. I needed to believe in myself, because I simply wanted to be unstoppable. I want to be fearless, I want to be strong, and I want to be successful. I want to be free.

Even though we are miles away, we still have a strong bond. A bond I know in my heart is hard to break. She just gets it. She gets me, she understands that I am broken in some areas, yet she always embraces me. She simply loves me. I guess in other words you can say she believes. It took me to do a lot of self-healing and accepting that my aunt did the best she could when she could. She held my hand during my whole pregnancy with Ava. She herself embraced Ava and loves her more than anyone will ever know. She wanted to take the time to be a part of my messy yet beautiful life. She supported me and all of me even if she didn’t agree with everything I did, or how I saw things.

Growing up she always would tell me

“Do what is right Sammie, not what is easy”IMG_4155

In my heart I knew what was ‘right’ and what was ‘easy’. My heart told me another while my mind tried to take over and try to feed me lies. I slowly believed the lies, I let them control my emotions, I let the lies control me. Yet it took getting my hands messy once again and put my boots on because I was going to get dirty, I was going to get messy. I was ready to dig deep and face the pain. I was ready to feel those raw emotions and let them sink in. I want to feel love, joy, happiness, and believe in myself! I was ready. I am still am!

Going through fonts with my aunt, making this top become alive was truly fun. I’m happy that her and I have a top that we can call our ‘’own’’ and share it with one another. For I have learned its not the miles that separate us from one another, it’s the commitment we want to put forward. It’s the effort we show. The little reminders of “I believe in you” or “I’m so proud of you” is what helps me know I’m doing the right thing, not what is easy.  

“You are braver that you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”