A letter for you on Christmas Day.

Dear fellow Birth Mother,

It’s Christmas Day, and I know there’s a part of you that keeps whispering “keep your shit together in front of everyone”. Its okay, just let it out, I’m here for you.  This day wasn’t always easy for me either. I’m going to let you in on a little secret, I use to cry myself to sleep the night before this day. I use to get bloody drunk and tell myself this was just a nightmare. Yet, I want to shine some hope on your broken heart, and scattered mind. It will get better I promise. This place here that I am at right now, took work, and never giving up. It takes a lot of fixing the broken. Accepting and forgiving yourself, I promise you that this too shall pass. I know your heart feels numb, or empty, yet please know that I am here for you. I love you. I believe in you. I know that whatever your reason is, just always remember that you didn’t give up. You are far from that failure.

Stop believing the lies, I know that the mutters of everyone Else’s opinions will consume you. They too consumed me at one point too. They use to stab me in the heart. I felt beyond broken. Though after a while I told myself to stop believing the lies and to start living life.  Try to think of this day as a celebration, because of you, your birth child is with a beautiful and loving family and gets to have what you always wanted for your birth child. A day of memories, love, peace and joy.  I know that I’m not an expert. I haven’t been a birth mother for a long time. Though I do believe that after three and a half years of grief, of hate, of madness, of depression, and brokenness I am able to relate. The past year and a half has been a lot better once I accepted and embraced that I am a birth mother. After accepting this part of who I am. I do believe it’s made me a better mother now. I did a selfless act of love. I don’t need a pat on the back. I need me to be my own warrior. I have my hellish days, yet its days like this that I want to rejoice and shout from the top of my lungs.

“I LOVE YOU AVA. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART. YOU ARE MY SAVING GRACE. YOU GAVE ME MEANING TO LIVE LIFE”


I know that when you are opening gifts the thought will pass by and the wonders, and always know that you aren’t alone when it comes to those thoughts. My fellow birth mom I promise you that this will get easier. It will take time yet always know that I am here for you.

If need be you need to step outside and take five minutes to yourself always know that you have others like me cheering you on. One day the tears you shed now will turn into tears of happiness and joy. The coldness and numbness will pass too. You will be at appoint in your life where all you feel is warmth and love. It won’t always be this bad. I promise you. I love you. I’m here for you.

Love always a fellow Birth mom

Your number one fan.

 

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