A letter for you on Christmas Day.

Dear fellow Birth Mother,

It’s Christmas Day, and I know there’s a part of you that keeps whispering “keep your shit together in front of everyone”. Its okay, just let it out, I’m here for you.  This day wasn’t always easy for me either. I’m going to let you in on a little secret, I use to cry myself to sleep the night before this day. I use to get bloody drunk and tell myself this was just a nightmare. Yet, I want to shine some hope on your broken heart, and scattered mind. It will get better I promise. This place here that I am at right now, took work, and never giving up. It takes a lot of fixing the broken. Accepting and forgiving yourself, I promise you that this too shall pass. I know your heart feels numb, or empty, yet please know that I am here for you. I love you. I believe in you. I know that whatever your reason is, just always remember that you didn’t give up. You are far from that failure.

Stop believing the lies, I know that the mutters of everyone Else’s opinions will consume you. They too consumed me at one point too. They use to stab me in the heart. I felt beyond broken. Though after a while I told myself to stop believing the lies and to start living life.  Try to think of this day as a celebration, because of you, your birth child is with a beautiful and loving family and gets to have what you always wanted for your birth child. A day of memories, love, peace and joy.  I know that I’m not an expert. I haven’t been a birth mother for a long time. Though I do believe that after three and a half years of grief, of hate, of madness, of depression, and brokenness I am able to relate. The past year and a half has been a lot better once I accepted and embraced that I am a birth mother. After accepting this part of who I am. I do believe it’s made me a better mother now. I did a selfless act of love. I don’t need a pat on the back. I need me to be my own warrior. I have my hellish days, yet its days like this that I want to rejoice and shout from the top of my lungs.

“I LOVE YOU AVA. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART. YOU ARE MY SAVING GRACE. YOU GAVE ME MEANING TO LIVE LIFE”

I know that when you are opening gifts the thought will pass by and the wonders, and always know that you aren’t alone when it comes to those thoughts. My fellow birth mom I promise you that this will get easier. It will take time yet always know that I am here for you.

If need be you need to step outside and take five minutes to yourself always know that you have others like me cheering you on. One day the tears you shed now will turn into tears of happiness and joy. The coldness and numbness will pass too. You will be at appoint in your life where all you feel is warmth and love. It won’t always be this bad. I promise you. I love you. I’m here for you.

Love always a fellow Birth mom

Your number one fan.

 

Dear stay at home mom,

Dear Stay at home mom,

I was once a stay at home mom when our son Elijah was born. It was a hard transition for me. I did it for a year and needed to go back to work. It wasn’t because I didn’t love my son. I was losing a sight of who I was at the time. I had to step up since my husband had gotten laid off and we needed to make up some income that we were about to lose. I worked two part time jobs durning this time and it honestly felt like I was working one full time and a part time. Hardest year of my life mentally, emotionally, and physically. Yet I wouldn’t take back this path I once walked. It made me who I am today. It made me stronger and wiser. It made me thankful that the time I spend with our son for his first year I will cherish forever. 

The waking up in the middle of the night to breast feed. The constant urge to pump a supply. To cleaning the house “my way” or the highway motto. To cooking dinner for my husband and enjoying the time we spent as a family. Now that I’m slowly transitioning to being a stay at home mom again it’s been easy and hard at the same time. I’m trying to balance home duties with mom duties along with pursuing my dream. Running my own business even if I don’t become successful over night I’m not giving up. This is what I have always wanted. A name and brand of my own. I know there will be moments in time where I will break down because I feel like I’m doing everything. I know I will probably hurt you by saying this is our form of “paying the bills” yet I don’t mean to offend you. We are the “bosses” when it comes to being a stay at home mom. We aren’t the maid, we simply like to live in a clean environment and that’s actually a good thing. It’s great for having a healthy mental state. We aren’t the chefs, we clearly are cooking to help provide for our families. Let’s make it fun and leave the control and let everyone help. We aren’t the laundry mat, we are simply the mothers that our children need. We are teaching them how to do daily survival skills along with proper hygiene. It took me a year of working and having all these mental break downs emotionally to realize I saw and complained about not “having that help” a different way. It took me being away from my son 13 hours a day at times when working both jobs to see that yes I had a “good life” even with the non stop crying. Being a stay at home mom isn’t so your husband or significant other can have control of you or how money is spent. It’s about an agreement. A bond. A unity to understand that just like work you get a vacation and sometimes we will need help. Yet use it as a sick day, or a personal day. A weekend off means a weekend off. So as I sit here and enjoy my tea for next couple minutes I’m going to continue to pursue my dream and work hard to get My Truth and Company going. To being a super hero parent for my son. To being a loving and supportive wife. To being the “queen of the household”. To being the badass girl boss I want to be and show my son that yes woman can own a business and be kick ass at it. After all my stay at home moms; the future is Female. Go a pursue your wildest dream.