I have always loved the thought of Valentine’s Day. I love it! I’m a hopeless romantic. I see it as a day dedicated to love, romance, romantic love, friendship love, but all types of love. A day to recognize love living in us and around us. Though I have always loved this day. Derrik has opened my eyes and has taught me that showing love one day out of the whole year is well, dumb.
We don’t really make Valentine’s Day a big deal in the Kirk household. We kind of swept it under the rug. We like to show love to one another every day. Romantic gestures and surprises. At first when I thought how could he not like Valentine’s Day? I saw Derrik was right on something. I came to EXPECT flowers and chocolate. I came to expect that I be gifted with something to show me his love. Oh how I was wrong. I now see that with loving someone I don’t need anything in return. Don’t get me wrong flowers are nice, plants are just nicer!
This year I’m doing something a little different. Every day this past week I’ve written love letters to myself. Yes you heard me right! I needed to learn to FALL IN LOVE WITH MYSELF.
I’m falling in love with all my strengths, my flaws, my scars, my pain, my past, my present, my badass attitude. I finally love my freckles. My funny laugh. My straight yet big smile. My broken yet put together heart. My eyes finally see how beautiful I am. The number on the scale is just a number. I’m eating and living a healthy lifestyle and that’s all that matters. The way I wear my heart on my sleeve from day to day. That being a mom and a birth mom are the best things that could have happened to me. My “mom” tummy, the scars that once reminded me of pain. Scars to show that Ava was once here with me. Yet I see them as scars of bringing two beautiful healthy amazing souls into this world. Scars that I am not ashamed of anymore! Reminders of my strength. I finally have learned to accept no matter how many squats I do or donkey kicks, I will always have a flat ass! I love my big heart and the people and the experiences it has drawn me to. I love all this because well, they are all different puzzle pieces that are forming a beautiful unique me.
I will always be a work in progress. I have come to accept that. Embrace it. Deal with it. Not letting it bring me down type thing. I can’t promise myself that every day will be a good day, yet I can promise myself to fight harder on days that are dark and toxic. I’m the only “me” I got. I wanted to do this well because I suck with loving myself. I beat myself up all the damn time. I never give myself enough credit. Derrik see’s so much in me. He see’s more when I lack credit for myself. My biggest fan has stood by me on the worst days possible. Yet its him who I also need to give credit to.
I am enough.
I am worthy.
I need the courage to believe this and embrace that I am worth loving.
To break out of the box I live in and free myself from all the chains that keep tying me down. I am free indeed.
Cover Photo is from The Shine Project.