Cheers to the New Year! At times it felt like we were stuck in pilot mode being stuck in the struggles. Then there were times when we felt like we were speeding through life and we had to stop and catch our breaths. Either way, this year was one hell of year. We dealt with moving, family problems, heartaches, two losses in the family. A lot of broken this year. Not just mentally, yet spiritually. My healing journey had its high peaks and its lows peaks. Though I managed to get through it all with the ugly.
Cheers to the pain, the pain we manage to get through. Cheers to the joy, the ups and downs, the spiritual growth, the healing and the happiness we manage to have this year. Accomplishing the goals we had set up for us. As a couple, as individuals, and as a family. To the goals we are trying to conquer and to the dreams we are still going to dream. To what life brings at us. To what we will face. To growth, and to becoming better humans.
As many of you know this year has been quite a ride for me. Keeping up with “My Truth”, getting the hang of blogging, working, being a mom, and being a significant other. It’s been beautiful, ugly, hard, easy, a war, and a victory all in one. One big ride, one long ride, one amazing journey, beautiful and ugly moments yet all worth it.
Every year I would make a list of ‘goals’ on what I wanted to accomplish. Lose ten pounds, grow mentally, yet to have a “New Year, New You” mentality and change who I was. This year, I realized that doing this, I kept losing a part of me. I realized that waiting every year to “change” was well dumb. That any given point in time throughout the year that if change is better mentally and physically why not DO IT NOW?!? Every year I kept putting off my journey of placement. “Oh I’ll wait next year to face the ugly” I waited and slowly one year turned into two, then three, till I finally said “OK SAM JUST DO IT STOP LIVING IN THIS FEAR OF THE PAST, STOP BEING SCARED TO GROW, STOP BEING STUCK, BE STRONG AND FACE THIS PAIN, IT MAY TAKE YEARS YET DO IT. Ava would want you to be happy” These thoughts, these fears, I was scared to face. I’m so happy that I did to be honest. This year alone with being open about adoption has really made me feel closer to feeling whole. I have experienced new feelings and opened new doors along with forming new friendships this year. All good things because I finally gathered up all my courage and threw myself into a sea of wonder and adventure.
For me this New Year is about change, yet change with letting toxic relationships go. Change in adventure. Change in maintaining a healthy life style and not just working towards those ten pounds yet living healthy lifestyle permanently. Change in being organized. Change in dedicating 30 minutes to myself to read, or to knit, better yet to sketch. Working more on “My Truth” and being more out there with my Etsy shop. To stop living in doubt that I’ll fail. To being a better partner and mother. To being happy! Its okay to be fucking happy! Being open about my healing and reminding myself it’s okay to be vulnerable. Being a feminist is actually okay. I will stop living in fear when it comes to being a woman. To show and give more love, acceptance and encouragement to the world. To being my own victor. That I shouldn’t be ashamed of my body, for it has shelter and carried two beautiful souls. To continue to grow with self-love and self-worth. To stand for myself. To standing tall and proud of who I am and who I’m becoming. Avoiding who I am and my story, is a long road of suffering and slow living I have come to realize. To start living and not let it pass me by; to stop putting it off to make new goals again…