Because I am BRAVE

She who is brave is free.

IMG_2714 I have learned not to be afraid of failing, I now have that mindset of I am afraid of never trying. IMG_2697

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STRENGTH

Strength.
Something I thought that was just a physical aspect.
Yet I was clearly mistaken. I have now come to terms that strength is also within the mind and soul.
The meaning of strength had changed so much to me throughout the years.
If you were to ask me four years ago I would have said. To be strong, to be able to pick up something heavy.
Then time changed, I slowly started to see that strength also comes within.
Strength is in the mind, strength is in soul, and strength is in the heart.
Being a birth-mom molded me to be stronger.
I let everyone’s negative outlook on me affect me. I let their toxic lies of how “weak” I was define me.
Yet it took me this long to finally knock down that wall and see how strong I really. My worth. My self love. My happiness. My struggle. My life.
I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength. IMG_2546 IMG_2581

Today I am alive and anything is possible.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale the good. Exhale the bad. Clear the mind from all negativity and embrace love and strength within.

I’ve been beyond vulnerable the past couple days. My heart trying to fight the lies my mind is trying to feed me. Sometimes the past comes rolling back in like an Oklahoma thunder storm in the middle of the summer.

My heart has been aching.
My soul has been a little broken.
My heart missing Ava.
My mind going a thousand miles per second.
My sanity a little lost.
I’ve learned throughout the months that people come and people go.
That people I thought were friends, really aren’t after all.
The people I shared my dreams with have slowly faded away once they saw my dreams become a reality. From blogging to screen printing. To moving by the beach to actually losing weight and keeping it off. To sketching again. Things that make me happy. Things that make me feel alive.
I’m learning fast that I don’t need these people in my life that will put a “limit” to my dreams; that will spread their negativity and fill my mind with lies that “I can’t do it; or that I will not succeed”
I’m slowly learning I can’t let anyone determined my goals, my mind, my soul, my attitude, or better yet my life. That I don’t need the satisfaction of others to determine how I should live my life or how I should dream.
I’ve noticed how toxic negativity can be. How it can consume the soul, mind, and heart. IMG_2334
I’ve noticed that my depression and anxiety has a lot to do with how I let others treat me and determine my worth in the past whether it was family or friends. From being told I’d be just like my mother, to being told I wouldn’t go far in life, to being told I was worthless, to being told that I was a little too fat that I should go on a diet, to being told that I will live an “okay life”. To being told I was a failure. To being told I was my mother when I placed Ava for adoption. To being told I made a “mistake”. To being told she will never love me. To being told I’m selfish.
The lies the heart believed, the feeling of being unloved. The feeling of not being good enough. I have realized from my time from being away from home and growing on my own, that I am worthy and I am something, I am someone. That Ava is beyond loved. That all these lies I have let dictate my life I need that to stop. Not just for my sanity yet for my family. For my son, for I have to slowly teach my son that I should not let other people tell me how I should feel or how I should dream. That I am me, my own person and that I can do great amazing things. Even on my bad days where I feel weak and broken I’m still an amazing person.
To cheer myself on. To push myself a little each day. I have learned that to live life we must feel life, to live life we must take risks. It’s baby steps yet I’m will take on the fight. For I have learned whats consumes your mind, will end up consuming your life. Today I am alive anything is possible.

Anxiety

when I have dark gloomy days; I have to remind myself that I am human I am allowed  to have set backs.

I have learned to not be afraid, that it’s only temporary. I’ve done it before and I can do it again.

Move, moving helps my body and mind stay empowered.

Talk, I have learned that anxiety held in has more power. Stay with people, call someone. Even if it comes to saying my feelings out loud even if no one is listening.

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Breath, I have to dig deep and remind myself that I am loved, just breath, I can do this,I am strong.

Feel empowered. Keep telling myself that I can overcome this.

One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change. I am strong. I am brave. I can do this. I can and I will.

I’m well, I’m Human.

We have blemishes and we carry scars. We are tarnished, tainted, and decorated with filth; but beneath the dust, the dirt, there lives diamonds, and beyond the cloudy night, lives always, a sea of endless stars.”

-Christopher Poindexter

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With brave wings, I will fly.

“She who is brave is free”

A quote that has been stuck with me for the past six months now. A quote I didn’t get till I learned that I needed to let go. I needed to break free and be my true self.  I’ve learned that sometimes we need to take all the time we need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.

I noticed I have started to embrace life, beauty, adventure, courage, hope, bravery, and faith.

I adore these things now.

she is brave

I no longer say “I can’t” for I now say, “I’m hurting, let’s find a way to heal now.”

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The voices in my head use to lie to me. Use to tell me I wasn’t brave. Use to tell me I was weak, I wasn’t loved, I wasn’t going to be something in life.

It’s not about people cheering me on, it’s not about people giving me the satisfaction. It’s about me knowing down in my heart, soul and mind that I am brave, that I am strong, that I am free.

I reject negativity now. I have learned that I need to embrace positive people, with positive attitudes, mind sets, goals, who embrace life and its rawness. The lies have slowly stopped and don’t take over anymore.

In the past I tried to support myself mentally and emotionally and I failed miserably. I failed because I was still broken, I was still in so much pain I didn’t know what to do. Nothing was good enough in the past, no compliment or encouragement. It kept me from living life.

I slowly started to accept me for who I was, it was at that point where I forgave myself for all my wrongs, started to learn self-love. I became brave. With brave wings I will fly.

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Skirt: Rue 21

Necklace: The giving Keys

Jean vest: Rue 21