Overall it was a great week and weekend.
I got my hair done, went more red. Its just me. I feel more alive and complete.
Got my tattoo, finally! I got arrows on my arm. I’m just overall happy on how they came out.
Thursday was a hard day for me. I did a lot of crying, a lot of self reflecting. I noticed not a lot of people will be on board with your dreams, your goals, and wanting to heal. It was just one of those days where a lot of eye openers showed me on how some people are.
Ever since I started this blog and started my screen tee community, I have noticed who really cares about me. I have a friend who I have tried to be there for and I she keeps blocking me out. She doesn’t even seem that happy about me doing this, like I took something away from her. Thing is, I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing this for other people who are hurting as well. I want to be able to help others heal. I feel like this is my calling. My motto is right now,
“You can’t break down these walls of mine”
It was a hard day, yet it’s days like this that have made me stronger.
I have noticed people are going to talk about you, bad or good. People are going to be jealous of you, envy you, wish they could be you, or wish they were never like you. Thing is, as long as you are doing the right thing. Then that’s all the matters. Thats all that needs to count. Yes those hard days suck, they fucking suck, yet getting back up and saying ”okay I got this, I’m loved by those who truly matter” that is all that counts. The fact you are reflecting and healing about the hurt and pain, then you are doing the right thing. Not for others, yet yourself.
People, it doesn’t matter friends or family, they will try to make your self worth low. Thing is, you are amazing, you are strong, you are important, you are a fighter, you are worth it. Your self worth should be high, because no one can be you, no one should make you feel less of who you are.
People drift apart.
People will grow closer.
People will try to break you down.
As long as you can get back up and say “Hey I’m better than this” then you my friend you are healing.
Thursday was a numb day for me. I felt numb, I felt unloved. I felt hurt, I felt pain, I felt like I truly didn’t matter.
Thing is I do matter,I am loved, I am important.
One thing I have learned this past week is be you, and accept.
People will not always show you and give you the love you want from them. Accepting it and saying “O.K. they are giving me the best of their love they can at the moment” will hurt less.
I know I am loved by my family, they may not show it the way that I would like yet I have learned they will show it the best they can. Its up to me to accept their love, or let it hurt me.
I wish they would call more.
I wish they would visit.
I wish would be more loving and affectionate.
Thing is that’s not how they were raised.
I was told by an aunt a few days ago that me wanting to grow and heal and be a better person, mom, and significant other, I am intimidating some of my family. I don’t mean to. I just woke up one day and saw how much my worth really is, how much I can make a difference, and how much I can grow and be the person want to be mentally and spiritually.
I think wanting to heal and be a better you is one of the best things you could want for yourself.
I love you, I love who you are, you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are loved, you matter, you make a difference, you are worth it.