There comes in a point in life when you realize that the life you live is perfectly good enough.
Life isn’t going to be easy, its not rainbows and butterflies all the time. There is pain, struggle, hurt as well. Do we like it? No that is a simply and easy question to answer. Do we wish we didn’t have to feel these feelings? I would say yes to that in a heart beat. Yet its those feelings that make us stronger, wiser, warriors, healers, and teach us about our self-worth.
Last week I posted a somewhat of a not so “Happy Friday” video. I do these videos as little reminders for those who had a hard week. For those struggling, for those who just need to hear that they are loved. I kind of sort of got beat down from some of the girls telling me that I needed to cut it out, that I need t move on that being a ‘birth mom’ isn’t painful. That I should just ‘get over with it’ I felt so broken, I felt so beaten down, yet I kept my cool, because well we are all human and not everyone will or ever see the pain that face or have dealt with. I had some defend me, for that I am grateful for. I cried many tears that night. The people that made fun of me and said hatful things, well they too are mothers, it made me wonder if they could even imagine the pain that I feel on a daily basis. These past four years of my life have been extremely hard. I wanted to lash out and say hurtful things to get back at them, yet who would I be hurting in the end?? Myself, why because I lowered my self-worth to that level. That level of ignorance, that level of pain, that level of being broken.
Not everyone is going to understand the pain of any birth mom. Its a simple fact, you yourself would have to be in our shoes to understand or feel just one glimpse of the pain. I was wanting to be embraced wanted to be loved, I was having a really hard week, I was facing a lot of challenges, I too am not this person who can have this though front and just say ” fuck what people think’ I’m not this person who can be a bitch, or be this blunt person and not care if I hurt I’m not saying those are bad qualities to have I don’t mean to offend those if I do. It’s just I myself cant be that way, I refuse it. Maybe I’m being close minded, oh well. Am I sensitive person. Thing is that is okay, we are all human we are aloud to be different, that’s what makes this world such a great place to live in, we are aloud to be free to be who ever we want and what we want. I’ve learned that the hard way that not everyone is going to get along.
Packing has been a nightmare, I just want to give up and leave everything behind, we don’t need it is what I’m trying to convince myself to think. I’m just counting the days till we leave, till we say goodbye to this town. I’m ready for new adventures, I’m ready to start new. I’m ready to do things. I’m ready for this ”new you”
Love you, I accept you, I adore you, you are strong, you are beautiful.